January 6th 1989  (Age 33)
Cape Town

My other blog:

Shared poetry blog wit mah friends:
Dead Poets Society

Mah friends blogs :) :

Arb Dreamer


     (Akima's other blog)


Israels Son

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finger eleven lyrics
a - z LYRICS

Let chaos entwine
On defenseless soil
Remove errors of man
And sweep all the weakening kind
I am war, I am pain
I am all you've ever slain
I am tears in your eyes
I am grief, I am lies
I am tears in your eyes
I am grief, I am lies
Scavengers are set out
To cleanse the human filth parade
I am pure, I am true
I am all over you
I am laugh, I am smile
I am the earth defiled
I am the cosmic storms
I am the tiny worms
I am fear in the night'
I am bringer of light.

Biting keeps your words at bay
Tending to the sores that stay
Happiness is just a gash away
When i open a familiar scar
Pain goes shooting like a star
Comfort hasn't failed to follow so far...

And you might say it's self-indulgent
You might say its self-destructive
But, you see, it's more productive
Than if i were to be healthy

& pens and penknives take the blame
Crane my neck & scratch my name
But the ugly marks
Are worth the momentary gain...
When i jab a sharpened object in
Choirs of angels seem to sing
Hymns of hate in memorandum

And you might say it's self-indulgent
And you might say it's self-destructive
But, you see, it's more productive
Than if i were to be happy

And sappy songs about sex and cheating
Bland accounts of two lovers meeting
Make me want to give mankind a beating

And you might say it's self-destructive
But, you see, i'd kick the bucket
Sixty times before i'd kick the habit

And as the skin rips off i cherish the revolting thought
That even if i quit
There's not a chance in hell i'd stop
And anyone can see the signs
Mittens in the summertime
Thank you for your pity, you are too kind

And you might say its self-inflicted
But you see that's contradictive
Why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?

And pain opinions are sitcom feeding
They dont know that their minds are teething
Makes me want to give mankind a beating

I'm tried bandages and sinking
I've tried gloves and even thinking
I've tried vaseline
I've tried everything
And no-one cares if your back is bleeding
They're concerned with their hair receding
Looking back it was all maltreating
Every thought that occurred misleading

Makes me want to give myself a beating....

i am sub cultures bruise. i am your etneral muse. i will shape the way you think, i will push your mind to the brink. i will make your pretty heart burn out tonight...

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Saturday, February 09, 2008
I dont know anymore

Relationships... Friendships...People. The definition of fucking awful. I dont know how I pick the people around me... I always seem to end up in the fucked up situation. A shitty life, I can deal with. I can take it.
But these feelings, these situations, with other living breathing people.
If you had told me things would be this way a few years ago, Id probably tell you youre an idiot and laugh in your face.
Stupid, stupid old Rene... You were so much better... No, no you werent. You were just simpler... Screwed up, too many problems, over emotional, but so much simpler.
The days when I could just go to my computer, messed up and crying, and post to blogdrive. And everything would feel just that little bit better, messed up but better. I had two friends that new mostly everything about me, and even if they didnt I didnt mind them reading my posts, because I knew they would understand whatever I wrote about.
Now I just feel like everythings stuck in my head. I cant even write it here. I just cant do it... Two of the methods that worked so well, I cant use anymore.
And it feels so bad...
It feels like theres no escape. Like there used to be...
I fucking hate change...

I just want to be old Rene... Atleast she knew how to deal with things
I want my friends back. I want my life back. I just want things to be the way they were a few years ago...
So badly...

Posted at 05:57 pm by DeadEyes

February 16, 2008   03:57 PM PST
I agree. I just wish there was some way to go back...
I want the old days with dead poets and you and arb and just to be...
no more dealing with anything new, or anything. just us
February 14, 2008   07:09 PM PST
i want to be Aki again, not effin Shiny.
i want the same things you do. have my two friends, post on my blog, and feel that tiny difference.
i dont want to deal with this.

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